Post by mimms on May 28, 2005 14:01:19 GMT -5
Please note that all these are also posted on NF.com, so should you recognise the fic - that's probably why!
This was written before episode 4678 was aired.
TITLE: Waiting Game
AUTHOR: Mimms
RATING: G
DISTRIBUTION: Here
FEEDBACK: Would be greatly appreciated via PM or this thread
DISCLAIMER: These characters are not mine but I'm grateful for them anyway
SUMMARY: Susan has waited a long time
PAIRING: Karl/Susan
CHARACTERS: Susan Karl, Isabelle
YEAR: 2005.
SPOILERS: None
DATE: 26 February 2005
I left Lyn’s early. I hadn’t seen Lil or Steph in some time, but I was tired of the constant questions. Am I seeing anyone? How is work? Have I heard from Libby? When did I last see Ben? I’d murmured my pathetic apologies and left, knowing that Lyn wouldn't be inviting me back any time soon.
***
Alone in the house I make a hot drink and curl up on the sofa. It’s warmer in the evenings now; it won’t be long before I can’t use the winter as an excuse to have a cup of cocoa before I go to bed.
This sofa holds many memories for me.
I look round my home. It seems so strange without any of my children here. Surely it was yesterday that Billy came home and told me he and Anne were together; it was last week that Libby finished High School, last month that Mal started work. But we were right not to have any more children. Three was enough. Three gorgeous kids, one beautiful grandson. So many good memories.
It’s getting lighter in the evenings now.
***
I switch off my bedside light and settle under the covers. I like my bedroom now I’ve removed all the mirrors. It’s my haven. My warren to run to when I can’t think anymore. I like the darkness and everything it hides, its little secrets that never get told. No reflections of reality are found here.
I close my eyes as fear creeps out from under the bed and tiptoes around my room.
***
I am awoken by the sound of my phone ringing, startling me from sleep. I don’t dream anymore. One arm is more awake than the other, and I reach out to answer the call.
“Susan Kennedy?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry to call so late. My name’s Rebecca Long, I’m calling from the hospital.”
I’m too tired to understand. “The hospital?”
“Mrs Kennedy, I’m calling because your husband was brought in this evening.”
“Karl?”
“Karl Kennedy – yes, he….”
I don’t dream anymore. I don’t even try.
***
This room is blue and cold. They brought me here twenty minutes ago and I’m still waiting. I know no more for being here, and I won’t call the kids until I know for sure what the implications are. I’ll wait.
He had a heart attack.
When we were married I never listened to his rambling diatribes on medicine. Of course, I took an interest in his career, but I never heard the medical details. I don’t know medically what a heart attack means, not really. I wonder if loneliness can attack the heart? Alone-ness? Fear? Shame?
What attacked you, Karl?
***
I am conscious that Isabelle isn’t here, my enemy, my usurper. They referred to Karl as my husband; Isabelle should be told. I reach for my mobile and I call her.
Good old Susan, always does the right thing.
***
I left a message, Isabelle wasn’t home.
***
“Susan Kennedy?”
“Yes.”
“Sorry to have kept you waiting. We’ve been doing some tests.”
“How is he?”
“As you know, he was brought in earlier after experiencing a serious heart attack.”
“Who brought him in?”
”He was found by a driver, collapsed by the side of his car. An ambulance was called.”
Fear grips my throat and I can’t breathe. “Is he alright?”
“He’s very ill, Mrs Kennedy. I can’t make any promises at this point in time.”
The fear seeps in and I can’t talk.
“His heart has been seriously damaged as a result of the attack…the next few hours will be critical.”
“I need to see him.”
***
I follow the doctor down the white, ill corridors. This place is cold and blue and ill and fills with need and fear as I walk. I am old, and tired, and I shouldn’t be here. I called Isabelle but she isn’t here. She should be by his side; he would want her here.
Karl.
I stop outside his room and I look in. Peering through the window I see him. Machines, drips, wires, needles, drugs – all part of him. There is fear in his room and shame in me and I don’t know if I can go in.
My Karl.
I don’t look in the mirrors as I open the door.
***
He is unconscious, unspeaking and humbled by his condition. What attacked you, Karl? I take his hand in mine; our future may be behind us but I can’t let him be alone. The wires and machines are making noises I don’t understand and I just can't let him be alone. The needles feed him, drip, drip, drip.
I haven’t been this close to him since the hearing, and I run a finger down the side of his cheek. Oh Karl. How long were you alone before you were found? Did you know what was happening? Were you frightened? Did you know you were dying?
Did you think of me?
Drip, drip, drip.
My tears wet his face.
***
I called the kids. Darren’s driving Libby over now and she should be here in two hours; I cried when I spoke to her. I miss my daughter. A few weeks ago she asked me if I’d consider moving closer to her and Ben. I said no, and she said why not, and I couldn’t think of a reason. I have no family here now, no ties. I have a house that’s too big, a bedroom that’s too dark and a heart that’s tired and ashamed of losing.
I said no.
Isabelle arrived fifteen minutes ago and has taken my place.
***
“He’s asking for you.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Karl’s asking for you.”
“He’s awake?”
“Yes.”
He’s awake. He’s conscious and he’s asking for me.
“Thanks Isabelle.” I draw in a deep breath. “Can I get you anything, a cup of tea or something…”
“No, I’m going home now.”
“Isabelle?”
“Will you call me if there’s any change?”
“Of course, Isabelle - don’t you want to stay?”
“Not tonight.”
I watch as fear follows her out of the room.
***
I practise breathing before I see him. I practise my friendship voice, my caring tone, my let-me-take-care-of-you actions. He needs to be looked after. My Karl.
“Hi.”
“Susan.”
“Yeah.”
“How long have you been here?”
“A couple of hours. How are you feeling?”
“Like I had a heart attack.”
I smile.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.”
We spend a short time talking, Karl’s day, dinner at Lyn’s, mundane things. “Libby’s going to be here any minute now…I should go and find her. She was very worried about you.”
“I’m not out of the woods, yet, Susan.”
“I know. Libby knows.”
We look at each other. What, Karl? What are you asking of me? What am I to you now?
“I’ll go and find her.”
“Yeah.”
I squeeze his hand, run another through his hair, and stand up to leave.
“Susan?”
“Yes?”
He doesn’t speak for a moment, and I wonder if he’s going to cry.
“I thought of you.”
I know, Karl. I know.
END
This was written before episode 4678 was aired.
TITLE: Waiting Game
AUTHOR: Mimms
RATING: G
DISTRIBUTION: Here
FEEDBACK: Would be greatly appreciated via PM or this thread
DISCLAIMER: These characters are not mine but I'm grateful for them anyway
SUMMARY: Susan has waited a long time
PAIRING: Karl/Susan
CHARACTERS: Susan Karl, Isabelle
YEAR: 2005.
SPOILERS: None
DATE: 26 February 2005
I left Lyn’s early. I hadn’t seen Lil or Steph in some time, but I was tired of the constant questions. Am I seeing anyone? How is work? Have I heard from Libby? When did I last see Ben? I’d murmured my pathetic apologies and left, knowing that Lyn wouldn't be inviting me back any time soon.
***
Alone in the house I make a hot drink and curl up on the sofa. It’s warmer in the evenings now; it won’t be long before I can’t use the winter as an excuse to have a cup of cocoa before I go to bed.
This sofa holds many memories for me.
I look round my home. It seems so strange without any of my children here. Surely it was yesterday that Billy came home and told me he and Anne were together; it was last week that Libby finished High School, last month that Mal started work. But we were right not to have any more children. Three was enough. Three gorgeous kids, one beautiful grandson. So many good memories.
It’s getting lighter in the evenings now.
***
I switch off my bedside light and settle under the covers. I like my bedroom now I’ve removed all the mirrors. It’s my haven. My warren to run to when I can’t think anymore. I like the darkness and everything it hides, its little secrets that never get told. No reflections of reality are found here.
I close my eyes as fear creeps out from under the bed and tiptoes around my room.
***
I am awoken by the sound of my phone ringing, startling me from sleep. I don’t dream anymore. One arm is more awake than the other, and I reach out to answer the call.
“Susan Kennedy?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry to call so late. My name’s Rebecca Long, I’m calling from the hospital.”
I’m too tired to understand. “The hospital?”
“Mrs Kennedy, I’m calling because your husband was brought in this evening.”
“Karl?”
“Karl Kennedy – yes, he….”
I don’t dream anymore. I don’t even try.
***
This room is blue and cold. They brought me here twenty minutes ago and I’m still waiting. I know no more for being here, and I won’t call the kids until I know for sure what the implications are. I’ll wait.
He had a heart attack.
When we were married I never listened to his rambling diatribes on medicine. Of course, I took an interest in his career, but I never heard the medical details. I don’t know medically what a heart attack means, not really. I wonder if loneliness can attack the heart? Alone-ness? Fear? Shame?
What attacked you, Karl?
***
I am conscious that Isabelle isn’t here, my enemy, my usurper. They referred to Karl as my husband; Isabelle should be told. I reach for my mobile and I call her.
Good old Susan, always does the right thing.
***
I left a message, Isabelle wasn’t home.
***
“Susan Kennedy?”
“Yes.”
“Sorry to have kept you waiting. We’ve been doing some tests.”
“How is he?”
“As you know, he was brought in earlier after experiencing a serious heart attack.”
“Who brought him in?”
”He was found by a driver, collapsed by the side of his car. An ambulance was called.”
Fear grips my throat and I can’t breathe. “Is he alright?”
“He’s very ill, Mrs Kennedy. I can’t make any promises at this point in time.”
The fear seeps in and I can’t talk.
“His heart has been seriously damaged as a result of the attack…the next few hours will be critical.”
“I need to see him.”
***
I follow the doctor down the white, ill corridors. This place is cold and blue and ill and fills with need and fear as I walk. I am old, and tired, and I shouldn’t be here. I called Isabelle but she isn’t here. She should be by his side; he would want her here.
Karl.
I stop outside his room and I look in. Peering through the window I see him. Machines, drips, wires, needles, drugs – all part of him. There is fear in his room and shame in me and I don’t know if I can go in.
My Karl.
I don’t look in the mirrors as I open the door.
***
He is unconscious, unspeaking and humbled by his condition. What attacked you, Karl? I take his hand in mine; our future may be behind us but I can’t let him be alone. The wires and machines are making noises I don’t understand and I just can't let him be alone. The needles feed him, drip, drip, drip.
I haven’t been this close to him since the hearing, and I run a finger down the side of his cheek. Oh Karl. How long were you alone before you were found? Did you know what was happening? Were you frightened? Did you know you were dying?
Did you think of me?
Drip, drip, drip.
My tears wet his face.
***
I called the kids. Darren’s driving Libby over now and she should be here in two hours; I cried when I spoke to her. I miss my daughter. A few weeks ago she asked me if I’d consider moving closer to her and Ben. I said no, and she said why not, and I couldn’t think of a reason. I have no family here now, no ties. I have a house that’s too big, a bedroom that’s too dark and a heart that’s tired and ashamed of losing.
I said no.
Isabelle arrived fifteen minutes ago and has taken my place.
***
“He’s asking for you.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Karl’s asking for you.”
“He’s awake?”
“Yes.”
He’s awake. He’s conscious and he’s asking for me.
“Thanks Isabelle.” I draw in a deep breath. “Can I get you anything, a cup of tea or something…”
“No, I’m going home now.”
“Isabelle?”
“Will you call me if there’s any change?”
“Of course, Isabelle - don’t you want to stay?”
“Not tonight.”
I watch as fear follows her out of the room.
***
I practise breathing before I see him. I practise my friendship voice, my caring tone, my let-me-take-care-of-you actions. He needs to be looked after. My Karl.
“Hi.”
“Susan.”
“Yeah.”
“How long have you been here?”
“A couple of hours. How are you feeling?”
“Like I had a heart attack.”
I smile.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.”
We spend a short time talking, Karl’s day, dinner at Lyn’s, mundane things. “Libby’s going to be here any minute now…I should go and find her. She was very worried about you.”
“I’m not out of the woods, yet, Susan.”
“I know. Libby knows.”
We look at each other. What, Karl? What are you asking of me? What am I to you now?
“I’ll go and find her.”
“Yeah.”
I squeeze his hand, run another through his hair, and stand up to leave.
“Susan?”
“Yes?”
He doesn’t speak for a moment, and I wonder if he’s going to cry.
“I thought of you.”
I know, Karl. I know.
END