Jealousy (UK Spoilers)

[Liz]

Jealousy

TITLE: Jealousy.
NAME: Liz
EMAIL: PM or [e-mail], whatever.
RATING: Suitable for all
DISTRIBUTION: Don’t mind, wherever but please ask first.
FEEDBACK: I’ve had two really good responses to my fic so here’s another for you. Would much appreciate it.
DISCLAIMER: The characters are not mine
CHARACTERS: Karl, Susan, Bobby Hoyland, Lyn, Izzy.
YEAR: 2005
SPOILERS: Yes *UK Spoilers*

So she's with Bobby Hoyland. She's with him and not with me. I had my chance but I blew it. I lost her the day I decided I didn’t love her anymore. Oh god, I am such an idiot. How could I have even believed that? How could I? Was it the drink talking? Was I out of my mind? I must have been for now I see her kissing Bobby. I see her giving him that sexy look she once gave me.

Susan is everything to me. I realize that now. I realize I never stopped loving her. If anything I loved her more. But I just had to wreck our marriage because I needed the alcohol at the time. I needed the freedom. But I've never been freer then when I was with Susan. Izzy? That's laughable. I don't feel free with her. She constantly plays games with me even though she promised me when I was in hospital that she wouldn't. I guess old habits die hard. I want to dump her; I want to tell her it's over but how? How can I do that when Izzy has been so good to me after my heart attack? It would just look ungrateful.

Izzy is partly the reason I had a heart attack. The games she plays really stressed me out. But it was not only that. Perhaps it was work as well and my continuing dissatisfaction with my life. Whatever the reasons are, I’m just thankful I survived. I’m questioning everything now. I am really not sure about things. But Susan is the one thing I know I want and what I’ll always want. The sparkle in her eyes, the way she smiles, everything about her captivates me. And now other men have noticed those things in her.

What right do I have to feel this way? I should be happy for Susan, should be glad that at last she’s found a little bit of happiness. But I am not. All I keep thinking about is why isn’t it me she’s running to, why aren’t I the man she kisses? Well I was until I told her I didn’t love her anymore. Those words will always haunt me. I mean what was I thinking? Telling her the complete opposite of how I felt? That was absolutely idiotic. But so me.

I’m sitting in the Scarlet Bar now just staring at Susan and Bobby. I shouldn’t keep staring. They’ll see me. I look down at my herbal tea and sigh. I know I’ll never like Bobby and a part of me feels disgusted. If Susan knew this, she would be furious and I doubt she’d ever forgive me. Sometimes I’m amazed she even talks to me considering what I’ve done to her. I look back on the past year or so and I can’t believe it. I hardly recognize myself. Perhaps my son Billy was right when he said I could write the manual on mid life crisis. I’m sure I could. The hurt that I have caused Susan hurts me.
Two years ago, I would never have imagined of hurting Susan this much. Sure there was Sarah but what I’ve done to her now is far worse.

Sometimes I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m definitely not the Karl that Susan loved. I’m not the father my kids used to know. So then what am I? That I cannot answer. It is something I am still trying to work out. I notice Izzy come into the bar. I hope she doesn’t come over here. I really don’t feel like talking now. She’s heading to the bar, that’s good. It’s not like I hate Izzy, I don’t. My feelings for her are so complicated. I know I don’t love her but I do care for her. It’s hard not to care for someone after they’ve been such a good friend to you.
In the beginning I thought I was in love with her. But now I know it was simply infatuation. How could I have even mistaken that for love? I simply do not know.

Susan is leaving. I watch them and she kisses Bobby goodbye. There’s tenderness between them and I can feel a surge of anger course through me and I instantly hate myself for it. As Susan walks out of the bar, I watch Bobby return to his seat. He gets out a newspaper and smiles to himself. Well, why shouldn’t that man smile? He has the most beautiful woman in the world. He is a lucky man and at one time I was too.
I have a touch of the green eyed monster as Susan used to say to me. I hate being jealous. It’s not a pleasant feeling at all. But there have been so many times in my life when I have been jealous. This is just one of those times. I think about leaving. If I stay much longer, Izzy will come over and we’ll go into this mindless chit chat which I don’t feel like doing right now. But what else should I do? I have the day free. I can’t very well go over to Susan and end up telling her that I hate Bobby. I know it might not happen but the kind of mood I am in, I know it will.

I look up again and to my surprise Lyn Scully is sitting there with Bobby Hoyland. Instantly I am suspicious. Bobby smiles at her and then he does something which shocks me to my very core. He leans over and kisses her. I stare at them in disbelief. Surely that did not just happen. He kisses her again and this time Lyn responds. It is a passionate kiss. I feel my blood boil and my temper rise. So I was right. Bobby Hoyland is not a man to be trusted. I think of Susan and I feel sick. She has literally only just left the building and Bobby works his charm onto another woman. He’s a two timing cheat.
I have always hated anyone that hurts Susan and that includes myself. I have cheated on her. But this is worse somehow because not only is Bobby cheating on her; he’s cheating on her with her best friend. Lyn doesn’t know that Bobby’s seeing Susan. This has just got worse by the minute. What do I do now?

Do I tell Susan? Do I tell Lyn? I don’t know. All I know is that I am disgusted. To know that I was like that with Sarah and with Kate and even Izzy makes me loathe myself further. But this time I am going to put a stop to this. The fallout of this would be devastating both to Susan and to Lyn. I couldn’t stand either one of them getting hurt by this wretched man but especially my Susan. She is everything to me. I know now what I must do.

I rise out of my chair, determined to bring down Bobby Hoyland o

[Denny]

Brilliant writing Liz! Don't forget you promised us more of this one!

[Liz]

I'm going to work on that.

[Denny]

Brilliant, because it was so great you just couldn't leave it as a Standalone! We need to know what happens next!

[katie with a drink]

that was great, cant wait to read the next installment! ;D

[gabby]

greta writing! can't wait for bobby to appear over here

[JoJo]

Hey that's great!

Can't wait to find out if he decks Bobby, hehehe!

[Denny]

I can just see that!

[JoJo]

Does anyone know.....is Bobby sticking around? The potential storylines for him & Susan could be great. I think they've wasted some good storylines if he stays in it, and he & Suse just remain a one-off event.

[Liz]

Second part. Susan's POV

Susan

Words cannot describe how I feel. I suppose I feel like a schoolgirl again. Not that that’s a bad thing mind you. Oh I can hardly remember the last time I felt this way. But then it’s been so long since someone other then Karl has made me feel like this. Tom didn’t compare to this thing I have with Bobby. I liked Tom don’t get me wrong, it’s just that things never quite got off the ground and I completely understand why.

I’m sitting here in my house just thinking about Bobby. He’s so refreshing, so different. He’s not like Karl at all. I can’t decide whether that’s a good or bad thing. Am I over Karl? Well mostly. Of course I still have feelings for him, I think I always will. I will never stop caring for Karl Kennedy and sometimes that disgusts me. After everything that man has done to me, I can still care about him. Well thirty years of marriage can’t be wiped out like that. I hope Karl feels the same way.

Today was interesting to say the least. I met with Bobby at the Scarlet Bar. Karl was there. He was sitting by himself reading the paper. I wanted to say hello to him, ask him how he was. Because that’s what friends do. I like to think that Karl and I are friends now. It’s not that hard talking to him as it once was. When he left me, I could not even stand to be in the same room as him. But now things have progressed and I’m glad.
But anyway, I didn’t say anything because Bobby was already there.

Bobby is incredibly handsome and has a devil may care attitude. God I feel flustered just thinking about him! We had a really interesting conversation and what made it even better was Karl looking over at us. I couldn’t help but smile to myself. I still know when Karl’s jealous and he was today. It made me feel good. It’s a terrible thing to admit but what else are you supposed to feel?
I like Bobby. I like him rather a lot actually. The man has charm and I like that in a man. We talked for a bit, I was completely lost in his face. What stories he has to tell! I can’t really understand why Max does not get on with his father but I’m not one to pry. Unlike my good friend Lyn!

Bobby and I talked for a while until I had to attend to some urgent business at the school. As I left, I gave Bobby a kiss. He responded and it was a good kiss. A very good kiss. But the best part was Karl’s envious look as we broke away. He doesn’t know that I saw that look. It was priceless. I fought the urge to laugh. I know that sounds cruel but still I couldn’t help but feel that I had achieved something. It’s not my fault if Karl’s jealous. That is his problem.

As I sit and smile to myself again, my moment of bliss is interrupted by a knock on the door. I sigh and head to the door. I recognize the tall figure standing outside even before I open the door. It’s Karl. Part of me is glad he’s here, the familiarity, the comfort. Another part of me is annoyed that he’s here. Does he want to tell me how bad Bobby is for me? That I shouldn’t deserve him? I don’t know. I open the door and there’s Karl.

I want to be civil, I do but there’s a look on Karl’s face which I know perfectly well. I prepare myself for whatever ‘news’ Karl has to bring me. I ask Karl if he’s all right before inviting him in. I can’t help it; it’s a habit of mine. Karl says he’s fine and then just stands in the room looking troubled. My irritation starts to show because I ask him what the problem is in that tone he knows so well. Then Karl says the word. “It’s about Bobby.” I sigh heavily. I knew it.

I am determined to keep calm knowing this is Karl’s petty jealousy being unleashed. I just don’t get the man. First we’re married, then we’re divorced and now he acts as if he owns me. Karl can be so childish at times and I suspect this will be another. I glare at Karl to make sure he knows that I am pretty annoyed with this. But for some reason Karl just looks sad. It’s as if he doesn’t want to tell me. I am confused now. Surely Karl would be delighted with whatever he has to tell me about Bobby but he’s not. I ask Karl what he has to tell me and then he says it.

For a moment I can’t breathe. I just stand there, trying to take it in. Then the anger sets in. This must be Karl’s stupid way of splitting Bobby and I apart! Oh how could I have even believed it for a minute! And what’s worse is that he’s even put Lyn in this. Karl has just told me that Bobby is having an affair with Lyn. Now I know Lyn likes Bobby but she doesn’t like him in that way. I shout at Karl. I tell him he’s lying, that this is all just some stupid jealousy of his. I am furious at what Karl’s done. I decide to tell him some home truths. And I really let him have it this time. I inform him that we haven’t been married for over a year now and that he has no right to be jealous. It’s his own fault that he left me. Don’t start regretting it now Karl!

As I say all this, Karl doesn’t even bother protesting. He looks at me with those eyes and then just walks out. I stand there speechless. The anger just disappears and I am left to wonder. Is Karl telling the truth? I know Karl can be pretty cruel when he wants to be but I don’t think he would use Lyn like that. I hope against god that what Karl has told me isn’t true but I need to know. I need to know the truth.

[Denny]

Aww Brilliant writing Liz! I'm so glad you're continuing it!

[Liz]

Thanks guys for all your feedback. ;D *Hug*

[JoJo]

Good stuff Liz!

[Denny]

You know how much I love your writing Liz, You're a natural! ;D

[UKNeighboursfan]

That was just brilliant!!